Upset, Stressed, Inpain?..

      God, With me going into high school for my first year, it hurts and it is painful. All these people just stare at you and think you are stupid and dumb, creepy, or not popular. But we have feelings you know? All we want is to fit in, and be friends, not enemies. My sister went through alot during high school, I'm scared to go now. She had break ups, fights, not being wanted, and other stuff, but the one thing she had that I'm scared to go through is having all those and maybe going to a therapist?.

  For high school, my parents and siblings think i am going to do bad and just not focus on my work. I really want to focus on my word actually and just be good, but get to go out and hang with some of my friends, not thinking about the pressure and friends i have suffered and lost in the past? One of them was my best friend Maddie.For some reason every time I'm with mejra, i can't help thinking that was me and Maddie just a couple of months ago... I do miss her alott, but we grew apart and we don't have much things to talk about anymore, she's a cheerleader and I'm a band person. We talk often still, but not much?

Right now i just wish for something to happen, and not for everyone to pressure me into doing everything perfect?

Ugh I'm in stress with:

• Boys
• Work
• Band
• Grades
• Friends

  For my first year of high school i just want to get good grades and have a good relationship, and get trust back from my parents..

Well let's just hope i do that...

Or You know what happens?

 

 

Heart Beat Broke...

  Have you ever been on the edge to a break up? I have, Last night it was the worst of everything. I cryed my eyes out all night. I never knew he felt like that when i did that. Listen I'm going to give you advice, If you drink,smoke, or drugs, Never ever have boys near you, They will FUCK with you. I made out with two boys, i am not afraid to say there names,1. Louie.  2. Josh...

Well i made out with them and kissed them. Even though i go out with Mason, Witch i am in love with him.....I love him to death, I just wish he would be reading this right now, To show him how sorry i am.The worst part is i didn't even tell him that intill he heard me on the phone with mejra,My Stupid self forgot to put it on mute, As Usual.

Either way i was going to tell him, but he found out the horrible way.. Mann All night i still thought and thought about what i did wrong, and told him sorry and sorry, but he still forgave me, but in my heart i knew he shouldn't have givin me another chance. He hasn't even done anything to me, I just have one question for me..

"Why did i do it, Why Didn't i think and stop myself before i had the chance to save myself and just not have had this happen".

Last night was the worst night of my life, Literally.

For once i almost wanted to just get a knife or a gun, or just lay in the bath tub, and die. No Joke.

But Today he decides to make it worse buy saying stuff about other girls to me, Like i want to fuck them so hard it hurts me, or I am going to put my tongue in her bird house, or I might Fill them up and not with my hands, "Don't worry i will try not to take them to into the back room".Damn for once i want boys to just shut the fuck up and actually not have pay back on girls? Wtf your subpost to be the man, not the bitchy girl who wants Revenge.

All yesterday and last night i gave people hugs when they cryed or was just not in the mood, and tryed to make them smile, but For once i wanted to be the person someone just came up to and gotten a hug, not be like " Ow, Can i give you a hug? ", Like they just walk up and don't care if i am in a conversation and just gave me one. I really really needed one badly.

Fuck My Life.

Period....